I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
