Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
