bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
