Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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