ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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