FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
