You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
