its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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