Can Purell be used as lube?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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