Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
