Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
