They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
