I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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