I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
