i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
