none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
