That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
