I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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