I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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