i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
