Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
