I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
