so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
