i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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