I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
