id be glad to
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
