she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
