That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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