I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
