i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
