Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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