i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We don't watch enough power rangers
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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