New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
