If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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