The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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