fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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