I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
