you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
