Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
