I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
