marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
