guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
