guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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