My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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