Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
