The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize