Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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