Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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