My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
