I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
