I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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