you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
