i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
