she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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