you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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