i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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