you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize