Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
