i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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