eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize