Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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