How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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