Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
