Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
