My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
