Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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