I cut my penus on the lid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
