I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
