Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
