I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize