Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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