Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
