i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
