dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
