I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
