girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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