He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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