Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
