dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
